Beloved

I haven’t written my thoughts lately because I’ve been wrestling with the questions of “Why does a good, loving God allow suffering?” and “Is God a safe god?  Can I trust Him?”  I’ve been questioning God’s heart and His motives and intentions.

While I won’t even attempt to answer those questions, I’ll leave that for scholars wiser than I, I have had a paradigm shift.  The past couple days I’ve been angry with God and I’ve acted like a child ignoring Him to try to figure stuff out.  I didn’t figure things out, but I’ve discovered that even if I wanted to get out of this relationship with God, I couldn’t.  I’m so hooked on the drug of unconditional love and He fills me so fully, that after only a few days I came crying back to Him.

The emotional connection I am developing with this Unnamed, Unseen Lover is shocking and a bit frightening and altogether thrilling.  I don’t know what to expect anymore.  This is uncharted territory for me, and I feel myself becoming more and more vulnerable with this wild Lover each day.

I may not know why people suffer or how God can “stand by and watch”…but I am realizing that the heart of God is good and loving.  While we suffer, He suffers as well.  I see a God who is always vulnerable and inviting and loving but is constantly betrayed or denied.  And yet He forever extends His hand to us, His heart to us, and welcomes us in.  He pursues us.  He knows the broken sinner that I am and He is chasing after me.  How can I not fall in love with a God like that?